I think I feel this strongly because the numbers on the alarm clock are literally jumping around the room like crazy laser disco lights. In a world where that is not supposed to happen, it’s just not a good sign.
I haven’t slept at all tonight because my heart is pounding like it’s trying to dig a pathway out of my chest, but I’ve already maxed out on beta blockers and it’s just not going anywhere good. My heart medicine has been off for about a week now and even though we tried a new one, I ended up just going back to Lopressor for whatever little relief it gave me. I’ve felt off since I got the flu shot on Monday and I’m sweating through my pajamas from what feels like a fever.
But I can’t check anything for sure, because it’s 3:15 in the morning and R.J has to be up in an hour to go to the airport. So I want to stay perfectly still until he gets that last hour of sleep. Which pretty much leaves me here—staring at the alarm clock and it’s ocular migraine distorted light show.
By the time I get R.J rolled, punched, baited and threatened out of bed and his carry-on bag packed and out the door—I’m feeling like any second now I’m going to simultaneously pass out, throw up, break into a full-out jogging sweat, and succumb to the serious migraine I’ve got developing.
But then I remember that if I have to go the hospital, the last thing I’m going to want to do when I get home is clean the house. And if I don’t do that right now, who will do it and when?
Plus, I already feel god awful. So what’s a little laundry between then and now, really?
So I do some laundry. And I clean up the bathroom. And I make the beds and I Clorox-cloth down my bag which Happy randomly PEED ON while I was at the chiropractor yesterday—and now I’m settled down in bed, waiting to see how long I can hold out before I absolutely, 100% have to, need to go to the ER.
I was supposed to stay at my mom’s this weekend anyways, so I’ve already got a bag packed. I’m wondering if there is any way I can bypass the ER but I don’t see a way around it. If this was a normal POTS episode, I could just go to my doctor and get an IV—but this feels like my heart is just kind of giving me the ole’ F*CK YOU for attempting to straggle onwards without sorting my medication out. I think I may need an EKG, or to at least get one organ system of my body to calm down while we try out something new.
So I did end up going to the ER and thankfully they did not admit me! Just got an EKG and some fluids and sent on my merry way. Still having chest pain and what I feel like is low blood pressure (but I don’t think is) but I’m more confident now that it’s just a minor reaction to the flu shot.
Glad I got to go back to my mom’s house. We had my grandparents over for dinner and they brought stuffing (one of my top five favorite foods.)
I’m grateful that I’ve gotten to the point where spending a few hours in the ER doesn’t mean the rest of my day is ruined. I even got some sample media kits sent out to a potential client! Having to spend a few hours hooked up to an IV isn’t half as awful as spending a few days in the hospital trying to figure things out!
Some days you wake up and you think: my day is over before it’s begun—and despite my illness getting worse over the past few years—that’s becoming less and less true every time it happens.
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