Dumb Ways to Die

Saw this hysterical little PSA video today for Sydney’s Metro. It discusses all the dumb way to die—like disturbing a wasps nest for no good reason or sticking a fork in the toaster.


And I started wondering…what would be some of the most embarrassing ways to die from a situation involving chronic illness?

My first thought is colonoscopy preps. I think if I ever felt sure of a moment where I was like “This is it. This is how I’m going to kick the bucket.” It probably happened during a colonoscopy prep. I’m sorry, but whether I’m fourteen or twenty-two—that is a traumatic and violent moment. How humiliating. Death by osmoprep. Death after drinking eight consecutive bottles of Arizona Raspberry Iced Tea. Death on the toilet.

It’ll never be as cool as when Elvis did it.

Next is that sneaking suspicion you know you get when you go to take an MRI. Like, there’s no logical reason why they would—but for a moment you’re almost certain that during your last surgery someone could have had an oopsie and left a pair of tweezers in that empty space where your appendix once was—and now it’s going to pop through your skin and into the magnetic force field of the machine—causing a bloody and painful death.  But then those tests are long and boring, so my mind floats to a lot of places…

I’ve also had those random almost nonchalant moments at the grocery store (like in this post) where I’m like, sure, it’s probably just a kidney infection—but if I drop dead in the freezer section no one might find me for hours…

I once hit a vein while I was doing my subcutaneous immunoglobulin treatment. Half my abdomen turned into a black bruise and it was not a good look for me. I always think about that—or the time I had an IV but then at some point it slipped out of my vein and I just had saline dripping into my arm for an hour without me knowing—and then I looked down and my arm was all swollen. It’s stupid injections like those that’ll make people think I’m a real idiot if I die because I inflate with plasma or saline because I’m not paying enough attention.

♪ ♫ Dumb ways to die. ♪ ♫

Boy that tune is catchy.