Five Ways I’m Getting Over My Bad Day

Still haven’t heard back from my doctor.  It’s Tuesday.

I asked the office to have him call me on Friday. I sent an email on Saturday.

Nada.

Somewhere, out there, there’s $500 worth of shoes I could have bought with the money I was using to insure my medical care. But what of it!?

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I’m sorry.

I’m having a particularly shitty day.

I’m having a nurse tried an IV in the right hand and after that blew, tried an IV in the left hand kind-of-day.

I’m having a no time to sleep between my infusion and my work starting meaning I’m drowsy all day kind-of-day.

I’m having a Happy getting sick just in time for the weather to randomly drop twenty degrees and I don’t have time to get my coat out of the house kind-of-day.

I’m having a wayward side-job paycheck making it’s way anywhere but to my mailbox kind-of-day.

I’m having a frozen Amy’s Spinach Lasagna and Captain Crunch from the box kind-of-day.

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For someone who just finished writing a book on outsmarting chronic illness–I’m feeling pretty inept today.

Did I mention my migraines are back to their regularly scheduled torture marathon? It couldn’t possibly be the stress, right?

I’m trying not to stress myself out about all the little things currently shoving their way under my fingernails. I’m trying to bring myself back to a level of calm and peace and serenity and eating utensils that don’t involve making my hand into a shovel-shape.

Here are some things I’m concentrating on to bring myself back to that place.

Note: I’m not saying you should do any of these things. This is just what I’m doing. What do I look like, a doctor? A therapist? I’m a blogger. You want good, healthy, sage advice? Find someone who doesn’t spend their days laughing at their own jokes and trying to figure out if cross-breeding their poodle with a chinchilla is an abomination or the road to the world’s cutest new micro-pet trend.

1.  I’m pinteresting. I’ve tried six new recipes this week. Five of them failed. I’m pretty sure all those recipes are just photo shopped to make real women feel like morons as they eat their blue-tinted what-was-supposed-to-be-christmas-swirl sugar cookie dough.

Nevermind, I don't think I know how to cook anymore.

Nevermind, I don’t think I know how to cook anymore.

2. I’m recklessly online shopping. Hey, I still have my Amazon Prime trial for like twelve more days. Two-day shipping just feels right.

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3. I’m listing out the pros and cons of potentially getting bangs before my book photo shoot. Pro: It will remind me of times when I was thinner and better looking. Con: Even with bangs, I won’t be thinner or better looking.

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4. I’m taking an obscene amount of baths. Because they give me a longer period of time in which to practice my interview game with Loreal Shampoo Bottle Oprah. (She’s always so insightful and complimentary!)

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5. I’m biting my fingernails and reading over the first draft of my book from the point of view of different people I know and wondering how scandalized they’re going to be about my sex and relationship chapter.

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This is all normal, right?

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