I CAN SPEND YOUR MONEY BETTER THAN YOU

I’m just going to say that I’ve know enough people, in my life, in Boca Raton, rich enough to afford to have one of these chairs and they don’t.

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Why would you not immediately invest $4,000 into a massage chair if you have that kind of disposal income?

huh?

WHY?

Don’t you know how wonderful massage chairs are? Haven’t you ever been to Sharper Image? Or Brookstone? Don’t you know the sweet, sweet sensation of having your calves squeezed by an inanimate object? Don’t you know how blissfully relaxed you would feel after an hour in this baby night after night?

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If you have $4,000 to piss away on ANYTHING– haircuts, pedicures, shoes from anywhere that isn’t Ross or Payless, the more expensive brand of toilet paper, the Ziploc bags with the actual zipper block, bulk perfume, insurance–why, for the love of all things holy and leather–WOULD YOU NOT BUY THIS CHAIR?

You should OWN this chair.

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We should all at least ASPIRE to own chairs such as these.

If you have any other financial aspiration in life that do not include growing up some day to buy a massage chair that has calf massaging features–you are dumb. So dumb. And you should give me all your money. So that I can spend it better than you.

Note: This has not been an advertisement for the Osaki OS-3d Cyber Pro-Massage Chair. This has just been me crying over where 4,000 excess dollas would go if the universe wrote me a check.

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