I Don’t Like That


I don’t like that. It took me at least an hour to process how that went down, and I decided I really don’t like that.

I don’t like going to a specialist who promises he’s going to take care of me, does a very thorough exam and then requests a tests. I don’t like when I show up for the test and there’s no instructions from the doctor for me to be there. I don’t like when no one from the doctor’s office calls to schedule a follow up. I don’t like when they call to remind me of my follow up on a day I never would have scheduled it. I don’t like showing up to that rescheduled follow up and knowing the doctor has ten patients in the hour before me and ten in the hour after me. I don’t like the doctor hurriedly saying he can’t figure out what’s wrong but wants to try me on a very dangerous medication anyways.

I did like that the doctor promised he’d call my cardiologist, internist and past GI specialist to make sure this was the right move–since he clearly wasn’t sure.

I don’t like my other doctor reporting that for two weeks, he still hasn’t heard from this guy.

I don’t like finally calling the specialist’s office this morning asking why has nobody heard from him?

And I don’t like him calling me back and the first thing him saying is “I called your doctor three times and he never picked up–”

When I know for a fact that his phone never goes to voicemail, it goes to his cell phone.

The next thing he says is “it’s probably anxiety anyways, but I still want you to try this medication.”

When I ask what all of the other doctors thought of it, he gave me a very evasive response–which I took to mean that he didn’t really ask them for an opinion at all.

“What are the side-effects?”

“Oh, there are really no side-effects-” and when I pushed for more information, “there’s a slight chance of side effects.”

And here’s the kicker, “Just try the drug for 30 days and when I get back from vacation we’ll see how you do.”

So let me get this straight: You don’t know what’s wrong. You think anxiety caused food to stay in my stomach overnight. You didn’t DISCUSS this drug with any of my doctors. You’re hesitant to elaborate on the side-effects–and you won’t be in town to monitor my condition on this new, dangerous medication because you’ll be on vacation.

Sounds like a great plan, doc. When can I get started?

Look–if you can’t figure it out, that’s fine. But don’t pull the “it’s anxiety” card and then give me a pill to see how I do.

Sheesh. I may be open to a lot of things to try and fix my condition but this had red flags and “hell no”s written all over it.

K. Thanks. No.



Woke up at 8:30. By 10:30 I was ready to go right back to bed.

I’ve doubled the amount of Spark I put in my smoothie every morning and have started

We've got a sleepy Bear up in here.

We’ve got a sleepy Bear up in here.

drinking a caffeinated (and sugary mess) of iced tea throughout the day, but I’m still actively pushing back against a wall of fatigue that just isn’t breaking down.

I think first things first–I need to get back into the rhythm of working out every week. I know I had more stamina (at least collectively if not always right after I worked out) back then.

The funny thing is that my diet has probably gotten better over the last two weeks. The smoothies have helped me take in more fruit/vegetables and even protein than I was before and the substantially “lighter” meals should ease the after-eating fatigue, but it doesn’t.

I mean in theory I think I’m picking up better habits. But I still feel like crawling back into bed right now. Trying to flip the switch from the powerful, all-encompassing craving to get back to sleep to hey! Let’s go walk on the treadmill instead is like wading through jello and then having someone slip a dumbbell into your hands.

But it’s a schedule thing. If I wake up in the morning and immediately go to the gym, I’ll have the best shot of getting some kind of relief from working out. So I’ll probably get up around 7 tomorrow and head there before my infusion.

But What I Was Awake For…


Please excuse my Amish quaff here–this was the night I poked myself in the eye when trying to put in my contacts and subsequently spent the half hour I was supposed to be primping screaming in my bathroom.

Anyways, there’s a lot to look forward to this week. Dr. Santa Maria and I are putting on our first support group for POTS patients and their caregivers this Wednesday.

I was also invited to speak in November at a book signing for the Young Adult Authors Project–a workshop I was involved in when I was in high school. Each year the school district of Palm Beach County works with a local publisher (used to be Oce’ but now Cannon runs the program) and this year they’re publishing another anthology. I’m really excited about speaking at the signing and I can’t wait to read this year’s collection.

And lastly–after my horrible grammatical faux paus with that one agent last week I did get some other responses and am eagerly awaiting feedback. I was also asked to pitch a column idea for another health-related magazine–more info on this when it’s finalized!




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