I haven’t felt depressed like this in years–and it’s just a random Tuesday. No major tragedies going on right now. I lost a stack of thank you notes from the wedding. I’m mainly on a rice cakes and chicken soup diet–but really?
This heavy sinking, guilty feeling? What is that even about?
It took me a while to realize, but then I remembered that the Desipremine isn’t just a medication that helps to mask my stomach pain. It’s an antidepressant. Does this mean that underneath it all, I’ve been moderately depressed for the last ten years that I’ve been on it?
I feel like that’s really, really unlikely. It’s just not my personality at all anymore. Things are actually going really well right now. To feel depressed seems really…inexplicable.
So I’m trying to take all of these feelings with a grain of salt–and I’m going to need as much salt as I can get because the other symptom of getting off this medication is that I’m suddenly feeling ALL of that GI pain I used to.
That “trying to digest shards of glass” pain. It’s just as bad as I remember and it’s all I can do not to run to my pill case and pick my dose right back up 100 mg.
But I won’t. Because I can’t. Because if I do, then I will never, ever be able to get pregnant someday.
NOT THAT THERE’S ANY PRESSURE OR ANYTHING.
To make reality a little more real, R.J and I got some good news this week:
We got approved for mortgage!
HOW ADULT IS THAT?
Yeah. We’ve been talking about it for a while now and we’re ready to start house hunting. Which is not to say we’re ready to move this month–but we do want to see what’s out on the market in our price range.
My must haves for a new home? A deep laundry room sink to wash Happy in while I’m standing. A backyard that I can fence in to let him out to play in during the day. A laundry machine that won’t flood the whole bottom floor (hey, easier said than done.) And of course– separate bathrooms. Because we all need a little mystery in our lives.