In Which I Can’t Eat but Have Kitchen Appliances and Hope

Well I’m dumb.

After the party, the family, the stress–I collapsed with R.J on the couch and then proclaimed that now that everything was over–I would be able to eat normally again and would feel great!

giphy (4)


We went out for Greek food that night with my sister and I was so brave, I ordered a salad. Death wish, anyone? Normally if I’m having an off night I’ll order pita bread, grilled shrimp and plain rice. (Which is still insanely delicious at this place.) But that night I just felt like celebrating. And my own personal brand of celebration comes with feta cheese and iceberg lettuce.

You can't even blame now, right?

You can’t even blame me now, right?

And after?

I felt fine. Like totally–no pain, no nausea. I lived.



And so the next night I took my sister out for sushi. Where I had lobster and shrimp dumpling soup, crunchy noodles and a salmon-salad roll.

Then we stopped at my mom’s house to watch horrifying home-videos of me singing at a teen talent show when I was 13 and totally forgetting the words to the song and just standing on stage for a full 80 seconds before finally walking off. Yeah, that was the day I decided that the rockstar lifestyle was better left to my sister.

When I got back to the house I dove into a slice of rainbow cookie cake–and the next day?

stupidEverything was horrible.

Yeah. Totally deluded myself there for a minute.

But it’s okay. I’ve come back to reality and have a steady supply of Ensure in my fridge. It’s gonna be fine.

While I wait for the lining of my stomach to heal, R.J and I have spent our days working on a thick stack of thank you cards and hauling empty boxes out to our apartment’s recycling bins.

Our poor UPS dude is going to cry the next time he sees a box from Bed Bath and Beyond.

Our poor UPS dude is going to cry the next time he sees a box from Bed Bath and Beyond.

And even though R.J has this week off from work, I’m still on the clock. In fact this week has been crazy busy. Before the party I had fallen off the bandwagon as far as working on promotions for the book and freelance writing. But about five hours after the party ended I was back to hunting down editors and begging them to let me write something…anything remotely on topic with my patient advocacy message…

Please give me 500 words? I promise I'll thank you during my Pulitzer Prize speech.

Please give me 500 words? I promise I’ll thank you during my Pulitzer Prize speech.

And even though my energy level is about as low as my calorie count these days, I’m still averaging three meetings a day. I had a lunch meeting this afternoon at Panera and I realized about twenty minutes into my horrible chicken soup that I could not formulate a full sentence for my life. I’m not even sure what point I was trying to make anytime I opened my mouth and I even forgot my business cards (whhhaattt.) I’m still struggling to get my brain back to normal after the horrible never-ending migraine nightmare.

So the long and the short of it?

I may be stupid and I may be hungry, but I’ve got a Candy Apple Red KitchenAid Mixer and that’s all I’ve got to say about that.





  • Lizz B.

    And you have the nice pouring bowl!!!! I’m jealous! I have a white one that I adore, they’re awesome! But I really want that bowl and some decals for the mixer 🙂