It’s nothing a long talk won’t fix, but it’s kind of awkward.
I mean, you hire a doctor–they naturally assume you want them to cure you of your medical problems.
But that’s not the goal in my case. Which is probably frustrating for him, because what kind of patient comes in with the attitude of: you can’t fix this–so put down the stethoscope?
So far he’s sent me for a chest x-ray, blood tests, and then another x-ray for my back the other day. Today he suggested I go back in for an appointment with my GI.
Contrary to what some people might think I don’t actually have all that much time or energy to spend on repeated or unnecessary tests. Mostly because they never seem to explain why I’m feeling what I’m feeling. And that’s frustrating. I’m not interested in being diagnosed. I’ve got a handful of names. And none of my diseases have a magic pill. The closest thing we’ve come to a full-bodied solution is IVIG. And it didn’t work for me.
Dysautonomia is just a mess. It’s basically the dysfunction of everything your body needs to be comfortable. And everything has to be managed piece by dysfunctional piece. It’s a lot of work.
I can’t spend my days trying to dig deeper into the mysteries of the universe and my circulation system. I don’t want to be tested. I don’t want to question why things that ARE working are working. I don’t want to experiment with those working things either. I just want to be treated. And then I want to go home.
It’s hard explaining this to a new doctor–especially when your first crisis is a pain one. Nobody wants to be caught up in a situation with a new patient who needs pain solutions. Especially one who doesn’t want to be run through eight different machines.
Unfortunately my body doesn’t care that I’m still getting to know this doctor–and he’s still getting to know me. So I’m not in a great place. Fortunately I’ve worked with a pain management doctor in the past who I’m going to see tomorrow. And if I wasn’t paying over $200 a month to have this new internist–It wouldn’t be a big deal. But he’s here to manage my treatment and if he can’t –then why am I there?
I’m not having a break down about it (because if I had time to do that, I wouldn’t mind the extra appointments) but I know I’ve got to wrap this up and get on with the show this week. Don’t you ever wish there was a way to gently rap someone on the head and implant all of your medical history, experiences and completely unbiased descriptions of your current pain into someone’s head?
Yeah. Me too.
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