List of Responses to “You Don’t Really Need That Handicap Sticker”

We’ve all encountered that one jerk who questions your invisible illness and whether or not you REALLY need the tools you’re already humiliated about having to use. My list of responses to “you don’t really need that” in regards to my handicap placard includes the following.

“Bitch, please” responses include:

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  • Pulling my shirt to the side and showing my port, saying “WHAT UP?”
  • Pulling my shirt up and show my laporoscopy scars. “NO, FOR REAL, WHAT UP, BITCH?”
  • “Do you want me to not make it to the toilet in time? Because I’ll not make it to the toilet in time. DON’T TEST ME IN THIS PARKING LOT. LIFE WILL GET REAL REAL ON YOU REAL FAST.”
  • Ask them, “Oh you’re a doctor! Thank god! Can you tell me what color my snot should be if I have a sinus infection?” Pull a wet tissue from pocket, shove it under their nose.
  • Tell them they’re welcome to carry me across the hot parking lot so I don’t pass out trying to get to the damn grocery store.
  • Tell them “You can’t see my disease. I’m also a man, but you can’t see my dick either.” Grab crotch raunchily and proceed onwards.
  • “That’s amazing that you can run a blood test with just your eyes. Can you also tell me my fortune?”
  • “Great. Good. Now that you’ve got that out of your system, I’ve got two rare disease. You may proceed to feel like a incredible asshole. Enjoy your day.”
  • Please feel free to waste your time by calling the police to have them run my plate. I need to go get groceries while I still have the energy to do so.

Non inflammatory responses include:

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  • My disability isn’t visible. I have _____ and it causes _____. And you can’t imagine how much it sucks having to defend myself about it every time I need to go to the grocery store.
  • Use the business card model as shown here.
  • Believe me, unfortunately, that is my pass and I have to use it. I already have very little energy and I have to do what I have to do to get through my day.
  • If you’d like to actually learn about why I have that, instead of yelling at me for something you have no clue about, please let me know.

Police Responses Include:

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  • Here’s my ID. Run my plates. These are legal. And the reason why is between me and my doctor.

 

What’s your response to the inevitable “you don’t look handicapped!” accusation?

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