People with Chronic Illness (Particularly Dysautonomia/POTS) Should Not Become Terrorists

(Just wait for it…now my blog is going to get some kind of secret service/American watchlist flag on it.)

Someone asked this on the POTS forum today– “What would happen if you had POTS and you went to jail?”

The answer– you would be so completely fucked, you might as well just throw up your hands and kill someone harder so you can get the death penalty.

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT commit crimes if you have a chronic illness. Ain’t nobody going to add salt to your vitaloaf in the cafeteria. Nobody is going to help you wedge up your jail-issued mattress to better control your reflux–and NOBODY is going to give you a second to pause on your city-wide manhunt because you’re feeling a little faint and dehydrated.

I just imagine he'd be my cellmate and this is how I'd be greeted upon arrival, clutching my Altoids and sucking my thumb.

I just imagine he’d be my cellmate and this is how I’d be greeted upon arrival, clutching my Altoids and sucking my thumb.

In fact, I have such a legit fear that I’d one day be on the other side of a jail cell–sans nausea-abating mints, zofran tablets and bottled water, that I drive like every other Floridian–suspiciously slow and with the full aire of caution one might use if they completely lacked depth perception (Which I do.)

Think about it: no air temperature control to reduce sodium-loss from sweating, no unlimited Powerade binges to rehydrate, no dairy-free, chocolate-free, fruit-free, veggie-free, basically-everything-but-white-bread-free meals, and no private bathroom!

Oh my god, I’m giving myself the heebie-jeebies just thinking about it.

I may just take all those posts about Lindsay Lohan off my blog because I don’t want to be associated with her devious criminal ways.

Entering into a life of crime is just not a smart lifestyle choice for people whose lives revolve around not succumbing to their autonomic neuropathy on a daily basis. So if you’re thinking about becoming a radical terrorist–consider a career in data entry.

If you’ve long-lusted for a profession in torturing small animals—you might check out taxidermy (both as a hobby and a realistic cover.)

And if you’ve ever woken up and thought, “Hmm…I think today is a good day to inject bathsalts into my jugular vein and see what looks delicious—”


Oh Rebel, you're a wise soul.

Oh Rebel, you’re a wise soul.