Please Stop Punching Me in the Heart, I Don’t Have the Time Or Energy, Thanks.

I think this disease now requires you become a monk if you want to survive.

Nothing good can come of this feeling and I’ve had it all weekend.

It feels like someone is repeatedly punching me in the heart. I can’t begin to tell you how bad of a feeling that is. It’s like that feeling you get when someone jolts you awake a few seconds after falling asleep–and then you just keep waking up over and over again.

I can’t figure it out. Is it my stomach? Has all the stress of these last few weeks just caught up to me and now I’ve got some major acid just messing with my chest? Or is it just a case of┬ácostochondritis that’s making my ribs ache and the center of my chest cramp up? Or is it just POTS making my heart tachycardic?

I spoke with my doctor over the weekend and suggested that maybe I needed an endoscopy. I’ve been having so much drama with my GI system and now it hurts to swallow–this coming just a few short weeks after several hospital stays for the exactly same reason. But he said there wasn’t much a endoscopy would probably show.

I can only conclude that my lead had detached because this thing was all over the place.

This morning I woke up and went to Cardiac Rehab. My chest was still aching, and I was still having trouble getting a full deep breath in, but I figured they have the leads there to check me out and make sure everything is fine. And after ten minutes attached to the monitor they concluded that everything was fine, and so I hopped on the treadmill for a half an hour and the elliptical bike for ten minutes and everything was fine.

But by the time I got home I was having trouble breathing again and when I laid down I could feel my pulse all the way through my back. I worked all day and I thought maybe work was stressing me out so I took some extra time on the meditation CD and the EMwave–but I couldn’t get my rhythm to stabilize even though my pulse was in perfect range–so what does that even mean?

I went to the grocery store and then R.J and I a nice dinner, but by the time I sat down on the couch and started eating I felt too tired too finish, or to even sit upright so I just sunk into the cushions and stayed there until I could manage to get upstairs.

Now my whole chest is throbbing and my heart just feels weak.

This is when I used to end up in the ER, when there was nothing else to do but sit perfectly still with an IV in for a day or two.

I just feel so useless when I think of going to the emergency room. They’re going to run ten tests that will show no results. They’ll give me two bags of saline that will probably help me kind of. And then they’ll send me home or keep me there for another few days of shrugging and testing.

So what are my options really?

A) Sit at home and bask in the feeling of FEELING of having a heart attack while KNOWING you’re not.

B) Go to the hospital to be treated for the FEELING and then KNOW how stupid you feel when all your tests come back negative.

C) Go to the doctor, have some saline and continue feeling awful while waiting for tests to be done over time in or out of office, but out of the hospital while waiting several days before knowing that your tests, which you already knew of course, are negative because this is just POTS.

Aw, crap. What am I supposed to do?




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3 thoughts on “Please Stop Punching Me in the Heart, I Don’t Have the Time Or Energy, Thanks.

  1. Anuj Mankad

    I came across your web page by accident, and I am not a doctor, but since you seem to have no answers at all to an obviously troubling condition, I thought I might make some suggestions as to things your doctor might want to rule out. Are you sure this is not caused by mold or an unusual allergic reaction to something in your home? Or could there be something in the air in your home that is affecting you? It sounds like you only have these symptoms when you are at home, or at least like they start up when you are at home and get better once you leave the house. Also, could this be some form of angina caused by some form of coronary artery disease or narrowing of your arteries? Alternatively, could this be what I think is called an induced bundle branch block, which can cause irregular heart rhythms but can come and go? Again, I am not a doctor, but it can’t hurt to ask your doctor these questions if you have not already ruled these out.

  2. gp1

    There are probably several options,none of which I know anything about. Yoga ?I’m just rambling now cause it makes me sick knowing nothing is helping you.Have you ever considered contacting The Dali Lama ?,or playing jacks,or skipping rope ( or is it jumping rope )…Open a bakery and just bake cookies and cupcakes…Become a girl scout.Wait, Wait ~!..just got a brainstorm. Get married,and have children.Children will always take your mind off yourself.You just wont have time to be sick.I love you so much,maybe some of my idiotic comments will take your mind off your pain,at least for the time it takes you to read them. oxoxxo.

    • Carri

      Gp1 you made me laugh until it felt like someone punched me in the heart. But in a good way.

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