So, to me, the feeling of wanting my leg to be amputated from the horrendous cramps I’m having does not fit into the basic description of what I would call “pain management.”
I’ve been stretching and bending and cracking and shaking and heating and massaging my stupid right leg for the last several hours and it still feels like my bone is being compressed over and over again. I’ve tried taking a bath with epsom salts. I’ve tried rolling a rolling pin up and down the muscle. Since my IV yesterday I’ve had about 8-9 bottles of G2 Gatorade, a B12 Supplement and a new non-narcotic pain pill with potassium in it that my neurologist gave me. Nothing doing.
I’ve drank two glasses of milk. I’ve wrapped a heat pack around the damn thing and I’m still practically shaking with how cutting the pain is. There’s just no ignoring it. It’s pulsing.
My mom said I might need a muscle relaxant so I called Dr. Santa Maria (because I love waking him up at 2AM to chat options) he said there was nothing he could give me that would actually work on the pain, so I might as well knock myself out with a vicoden. I wanted to cry.
It felt like the vicoden was what set off my bad flare last time and I know taking a dose of narcotics usually sends me into a terrible tailspin of fatigue and confusion for the next several days. But what is my option? I’m either going to stay up all night crying and trying to rub the dehydration-induced knots out of my legs OR go to the hospital where they’ll give me an IV but still probably have to give me some form of narcotics for the pain OR just bite the bullet, take the pill and rest at home.
- do I want to suffer bravely and uselessly for several hours
- do I want to invite more drama into my night by heading out to the ER where I’ll wait, be in more pain, get even more stressed out and get the same treatment I could get at home
- do I want to take the pill, rest, and suffer the consequences over the next few days?
It’s one thing to have no control of hydration. It’s another to have no control of your pain management. It’s out of control to have one’s lack of control affect the others and to have no tools besides knocking yourself out to manage it.
Is this shit ever going to get easier?
Powered by Facebook Comments