Just Yell “PLOT TWIST” and Move On

It is four AM. I feel as though I wrapped duct tape around my abdomen five hours ago. I think I did the pharmacological equivalent–downing a percocet by mouth and then flushing a shot of torridol and zofran through my port. One does not just “eat rice and shredded beef without consequences” when they haven’t...
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Well, Pistol-Whip My Colon, Why Don’t You?

There is a fine line between Gastritis and Gastroparesis. Namely that one will have you bolting for the bathroom–and the other will make you wish you were bolting for the bathroom. The commonality between the two is that they are almost equally as painful as someone pistol-whipping your colon. While it’s entirely normal for me...
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Great News About My Book–Also Bread.

Hello Bread, My old friend. As it turns out, underneath all the medication I was taking, I do actually have problems. Yep. That was the result of the Desipramene experiment. Me not under the influence of stomach-numbing medication = me with excruciating pain followed by what could only be termed as complete rejection of nutrition. Lettuce?...
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Nurses Just Lie About Things

Another night, another ER visit. Last night we headed over around 5:00pm. Waited in the waiting room for a half an hour before being moved to the very end of the emergency room. Patients were being treated in the hallways I just needed one liter of an IV and a Bentyl shot to alleviate the...
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Well This Week Kicked My Ass

It started last Saturday when a gastroparesis flare struck and I had to spend the next two days recovering from it. I was on liquids only, but I had my photo shoot for the book cover–which I knew was going to be a long day. 6:00am– Got up, took an hour exactly to do my...
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Ebola. Poverty. Terrorism. Tuna Melts.

On Wednesday an attempt on my life was made by a tuna melt. And while I survived–it was only just barely. And mostly consisted of me walking around my apartment repeating, “just let me die. JUST LET ME DIE,” over and over to an unsupportive Happy who was all like “can we throw the ball...
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