Tales of Back to Bland: Hello Bread, My Old Friend

Why does Progresso canned soup always feel like there’s a thin film of slime on it with every bite?

And why does Cambell’s still have condensed soup when no one wants to go through the effort of both using a can opener and adding a cup of water?

And why is Señor Burritos with their delectable Mexican Chicken Soup not on my side of town?

These are the things I ponder.

And now–for your viewing pleasure–


Screen Shot 2015-10-04 at 10.02.27 PM

On Friday night R.J and I went to Davinchis, it’s a great new Italian place in Town Center. Even though my stomach was trying to kill me, I was amenable to going because they have great bread–and really–wasn’t that enough?

It was good. I also ordered an $8 cup of minestrone soup which–to R.J’s endless amusement–ended up being too spicy for me to eat.


Saturday I had the last two slices of white bread with butter and then a Starbucks vanilla scone (which turned out to be a mistake.) We went to the movies with R.J’s mom and her new boyfriend at iPic which is a SUPER nice theater with recliners and blankets and waiters who kneel down by your seat and bring you snacks. I had some pretzel sticks which were on point.

Then we went to dinner at it’s very fancy downstairs restaurant, Tanzy’s. Its really a gorgeous place and all of the food looked and smelled BEYOND. But one look at the menu and I realized there was not a single item that I could digest without major painkillers. So I ordered angel hair pasta with butter which was okay if I inhaled deeply and pretended I was eating R.J’s steak kabobs.

Later that night I went to Publix because I seriously needed to stock up. Soups, bread, Gatorade, Propel, grits and hamantash all went into the cart. The hamantash was a mistake. Or maybe that was just the garlic in the pasta.

Today I had toast for breakfast and pasta for lunch. By five I was pretty sure the pain would stop me from ever eating anything again. But then I had a couple bites of soup (see comments above) which I ended up trashing most of.

When I called my doctor on Friday night, when I first felt myself going downhill, I asked what he thought about me upping my dosage of Desipramene. He was adamant that it was better for me to get through it or take a pain killer than to up my dosage. (Since we’ve only been aggressively trying to lower my dosage for the last six months.)

So here we are.


Anyone want to chime in with their fav bland recipes for those “I wish I were dead” gastroparesis moments?


(SIDE NOTE: My super awesome chiropractor-turned-real-estate-super-hero made up a graphic for me. Didn’t quite fit (my fault for being whatever about specifics) but it was too cute not to showcase. SEE BELOW)




  • Katie

    If there’s a Trader Joe’s near you, I can often tolerate some of their pureed soups (and they taste WAY better than Progresso or Campbell’s). I particularly like the carrot ginger soup and the sweet potato bisque. And for whatever reason, sometimes when I can’t tolerate any other solid food at all, I can tolerate canned skipjack tuna (mashed up really well) on saltine crackers. Tastes better than it sounds, at least in my opinion!

  • If you can tolerate sugary things, I have two pancake recipes I like for bland days. (I don’t like normal pancakes.) The first one is really light; my family calls them rice cakes.

    Rice Pancakes
    Cooked rice (your favorite kind, doesn’t matter)

    -Let the rice cool off completely. You can use leftover rice (which is how this recipe came about in the first place) if you want. Make sure the rice is at least room temp, or else it’ll do odd things in the next steps.
    -Add eggs/egg beaters to the rice. You want to add enough of it in so that the rice will stick together when cooked, but don’t make it soupy or you’ll have weird omelet-esque things. It’s pretty forgiving. If you don’t have enough egg, however, you will end up with extremely crumbly things that don’t really work as pancakes. I do too many eggs a lot, and they turn out fine, the texture just ends up odd.
    -Add cinnamon and vanilla to taste. Don’t use too much vanilla, it overpowers quickly. I kind of just turn the bottle on it’s side for a second or two. I add the two by smell, since I have a very sensitive nose and have done these a ton. It might take experimentation. I would recommend starting with a tiny amount if you’re unsure, you can always add more next time.
    -Cook on a griddle or in a pan like you’d make pancakes. Serve with butter and syrup to taste (sometimes I can’t do the butter bit, but the syrup by itself is plenty tasty!)

    The other recipe is more intensive: Oatmeal Pancakes. These involve buttermilk (or 50/50 milk and plain yogurt), so if you can’t do dairy then probably not good. They have a similar texture to normal pancakes, maybe a bit thicker. If you’re interested, let me know, and I can get you the recipe 🙂