Chronic illness can be a serious time and energy suck. Sometimes just handling the day-to-day chores of being a human being can be too much. And we all know that if we won the lottery, we’d do something so cray-cray, other people would just be like–yo, that’s poor financial management bro. Not cool.
So let’s say, just for imagination’s sake, that I had several million dollars to piss away on salaries for personal assistants each year. Here’s the list of people I would immediately hire to boost the economy and make my life just a little easier.
We all know I love shopping…
…but I get so fatigued trying on ensemble after ensemble. Endless money for me would equal an immediate hire of a body double to take with me on my shopping trips. First she would have to carry all my clothes, then try them on for me while I sat in the corner seat and drank Propel.
Look, Bear is an animal. He’s super energetic. He’s smart. He needs to be entertained. That’s why one of my immediate employees would be a Bear Nanny. The nanny would be responsible for walking Bear when I’m too tired, playing fetch when I’m too tired, and taking him to the dog park when (you guessed it) I’m too tired.
I have a Super Target near my house and I use it for everything. Clothes. Food. I even have some of my meds at their pharmacy. I can sometimes go there two or three times a day to pick up little things. So a real energy saver for me would be someone I could hire to go to and from Target for me (sometimes with my body double if we’re looking for clothes) to get what I need, avoid the awkward stares I get when parking handicap, and stand forever in that long 10-items-or-less line.
The other day when we were setting up catering for the party we were standing at a bakery counter for a half an hour. All of a sudden my blood pressure dropped and I knew if I didn’t sit down immediately my body was going to make me sit down immediately. So I quickly told the woman we were talking to that I needed to sit—like now, as I started walking away from her and towards the outside tables. If I had endless money I’d just have a dude follow me around during these tedious moments and as soon as he saw my face turn from pale to translucent I could just give him the go ahead to start letting everyone know why I was already halfway back to the car.
Who’d be your stupid-rich hire?
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