The Questions People Ask Me About Food (But I Digress)



“So you can’t eat any vegetables, like, at all?”

“Well, it’s kind of like a napkin. Can I eat a napkin? Sure. I can put a napkin in my mouth and chew and swallow. I might even be able to put some marshmallow fluff on it for flavor. So sure, I can eat a napkin. But that doesn’t mean I should. Or do. Often.”





“So you’ve like never eaten a piece of squash?”

“Well sure, I’ve eaten squash a few times. The first time I thought, hey–food, let’s eat it. The second time I thought, hey–I remember that food. It wasn’t nice to me, but maybe it was just having a bad day. And the third time was either an accident or I was feeling particularly suicidal.”




“So like what happens if you eat a piece of chocolate or a piece of lettuce?”

“The lettuce won’t matter. You’ve got to eat a side-salad size amount of lettuce for it to matter. But chocolate to me is like chocolate to a dog. A bite-sized snickers and there’s a good chance you’ll have to take me to a vet.”





“So what do you eat? What’s left?”

“Bread. Rice. Ensure. Goat cheese. Potatoes. Pasta. Protein. A piece of lettuce here or there. Bananas and things that I know will make me cry later, but have some perfectly good excuse as to why now is a less important time than later.”




I don’t even know what this blog is about any more.

I just. want. a taco.




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One thought on “The Questions People Ask Me About Food (But I Digress)

  1. While I don’t have IBD to the point that you do, I do have IBS and Fibro and both are greatly affected by what I eat, so I completely GET this post, and especially that last image. Freakin’ Tacos!

    But, yeah today is one of those days where I’ve been having that discussion in my head over “short term pleasure vs long term feeling decent” (or whatever). I’m not sure what I ate last night that made me bloat like a pregnant woman and gave me gas that smelled like something died inside me and wanted out. Or, if that same thing is what caused the massive migraine that woke me up in the middle of the night and has left me for dead today. And, anymore I don’t even know how to find out without starting from scratch AGAIN! with a stupid elimination diet from hell. And, do I even want to? Is it worth it? Frustration. So yeah, I think I’ll go eat a napkin.

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