Things That Happened the Week Before My 24th Birthday

1. I threatened to steal someone’s dog.



So the other day I was walking Happy and like many a time before, a dog came running out of nowhere and started chasing Happy. Thankfully, unlike many of the other dogs in my neighborhood–this one was the size of a Pomeranian. She may have even had some Chihuahua in her. I’m constantly at war (and by war, I’m referring to a complete one-sided, silent war) with my neighbors. Since none of them seem to understand the logic behind putting a dog on a leash–or in this pup’s case, even putting a collar on her. That pissed me off. She followed us around the whole neighborhood–what if she couldn’t find her way back home? I tried to walk her back to the place where we’d found her, but she saw another neighbor get out of her car and started chasing her into the street.

“Whose dog is that?” I asked.

“Not mine.She belongs to the guy in that house, but he just lets her roam free.” she said, and then shewed the dog away — who blissfully went hopping through a row of patios.

Never to be seen again.

Except for later that week when I had Happy in the car and I stopped at the mailboxes before driving to my mom’s. I saw a jogger cross the street outside of the neighborhood–and it looked for a minute like she had her dog with her–except it wasn’t on a leash, so that was odd. And then the dog completely changed track and started running away from the jogger and into the middle of the road where some old couple came about two inches from hitting her with their ┬ácar. Then I ran out in the road and just swooped her up and carried her back to my car. Happy was not thrilled by this new passenger and started to bark and paw at her. I slowly drove us to the other side of the neighborhood were the woman had pointed out her owner’s house. Then, almost falling on my face trying to get an overexcited, unleashed pomeranian and a jealous poodle out of my car, I went up to my neighbor’s door and just started wailing on it.

“Oh, I’ll take her,” he said, when the guy opened the door.And I’m like…


“What the fuck is wrong with you? Where is her collar? Where are her tags? Where is her leash? I just watched her almost get ran over–she was about to run into the street. She could have been ran over!”

“Oh, sorry.” He shrugged.

“Don’t you fucking care? Didn’t you even wonder where she was? I don’t want to run over your dog! That’s not part of my plan today, and I’m sure as shit not going to let that happen because you’re too fucking lazy to take care of her.”

“She’s my roommates dog, He just lets her out.”

“If he doesn’t want the dog. Give me the fucking dog. I would rather take this dog to the shelter and have it euthanized in a humane death than have it fucking run over in traffic where it will suffer.”

For the record, I had no intention of euthanizing a perfectly adoptable Pomeranian, but just for argument’s sake….

“Tell me you don’t want her and I will take this dog right now. For real. I will take this dog.”

“I’ll talk to my roommate.”

At this point I’m having serious…serious thoughts about just walking away, dog in tow.

But I did end up giving her back. I told him that if I ever saw this dog wandering around alone again I was just going to take her and she would be my dog, and that would be the end of it.

Anyways two days later I met the roommate who promised he was going to buy her a collar and a tag. Haven’t seen her since…but I’m serious. If I ever see her wandering around the neighborhood again…

2. My sister-in-law turned 21 and subsequently ate three cheesecakes.



This one doesn’t have much of a story to it. Unless you count her and R.J throwing french fries at each other across the table. Then I guess it’s a story.

3. I felt like a celebrity in cardiac rehab because all the nurses had seen me in The Observer.




Yep. I went back to cardiac rehab this week. Signed up for the ass crack of dawn three days a week. Goodbye whatever little sleep and energy I may have had before….

4. Happy remained cute enough that most people still think he’s a stuffed animal.



That dog is sticking out his tongue. Do you see this? He legitimately is posing for the camera.

5. I fell in love with Maddie on Things



I first saw the author of this book on The Today Show. Then I found his book at TJ Maxx one afternoon while I was looking for crop tops. It’s now my official guest bathroom book. So that’s a pretty high honor.

6. I got ombre highlights!






For the record, it’s far and few between that I get a good haircut. My hair grows very quickly and is terribly thick. So getting highlights happens even less frequently because it costs an insane amount of money–and takes an insane amount time just to get the top half of my hair done. But for my birthday my mom got me a great haircut and the ombre highlights (bottom upwards light to dark) that I’ve wanted for the last year! I’m really excited about them. I think they turned out really neat!

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7. R,j Surprised me.



Oh my love. R.J tried so hard, but it’s hard to surprise a girl who has trouble making plans past breakfast. But he pulled it off! Saturday night he sent me out to pick us up dinner and when I came home–birthday banner! Two of the most delicious cakes! Chips and a clean living room! And….no people. Lmao. Our friends did show up eventually..just about an hour past the RSVP time on the Facebook invite. I was still surprised though since I thought that most of our friends were out of town!


8. And then I turned 24.


It’s been a great year. I feel really optimistic. Today I had a nice leisurely breakfast with R.J, came home and had a Veronica Mars marathon. Got a massage. Then we decided to skip the 9 course meal we were planning to have at my favorite Hong Kong Style Chinese restaurant–and instead opt for a little more gastroparesis friendly white bread, pasta, soup and more bread dinner at my mom’s house with some of my friends.

It was really a perfect day, made all the more special by the people I love being there!

I’ve also been thinking a lot about by 21st birthday. I remember just having a really rough year leading up to it. And I just didn’t have the support that I have now. I had no close friends that year and I remember just sitting on the couch after dinner and crying, wondering how I was ever going to make friends when it seemed like the world was just moving on without me while I jumped through hoops trying to stay afloat through hospitalizations.

I’ll never take having friends for granted, and this year I feel so blessed. I seem to be making new friends every day–and good friends, friends that I can really talk to and turn to. That shit is hard in your twenties. Everyone is constantly changing, moving, finding themselves. Finding other people who are on your path isn’t easy.

But you do. You make friends. You find a job. The cycle of your chronic disease  changes. You move out. You find health insurance. You find independence. You learn how to create check boxes in word documents. You grow up.

And then one day you wake up and you’re twenty-four.




  • Richrd

    I tried so hard! Thankfully it worked out, but then again we could have had a bitchin cake and movie night