It’s week five living alongside the sinus infection. The world is cold and lonely. My temples feel like they’re being gnawed on by angry sea lions. Everything is getting so, so dark. Is that you great-grandma Bess? I think I see the light….
I think the meds are getting to me.
When I woke up on Thursday morning I realized I’d royally screwed myself. I’d blearily taken pain killers in the middle of the night and forgot that I can’t drive on painkillers and I had to be in the office before noon to get my daily dose of Rostefan and Benadryl. My mom couldn’t make it, but thankfully my friend Vik was able to escort me. And I really mean escort me. I was basically an entire bottle of tequila drunk and once they gave me the IV allergy medicine my eyes were rolling back into my head. Vik got me in, out, then deposited me on my living room couch before taking out Happy. She’s a nanny so she’s good with dealing with small, unhelpful children and wild animals.
I’m kind of embarrassed about this but after that debacle I legit slept till 4:30 in the afternoon. Happy kept getting up and walking around me like are you for real going to sleep all day and not play fetch with me every hour? This is bull.
And he’s got every right. The last month, between the power glide drama and the antibiotics every day–I’m a mess. It’s a mess. It’s messy.
But even when it’s a mess, it works. So I want to take a second to appreciate some things that are good, that were well planned and executed, that saved my ass from the inevitable crashing and burning that comes with…well…crashing and burning.
- My house is clean. Did I clean it? No. But we budgeted for a house keeper to come once a week and even though I haven’t done my own laundry in recent memory I’ve still got a drawer full of clean underwear. Score.
- My flexible work hours worked out for me this month. Even though I’ve been moving my hours across the board (the board being my google calendar) all the time–I was still able to actually DO all of my work, even if I ended up doing it at two in the morning. My company knows what’s up as far as my illness (and it’s day to day drama goes) so I’m never hiding or making up excuses, and my co-workers have been tear-jerkingly amazing about helping me catch up on missed meetings or going out of their way to help me reschedule things.
- My savings came in handy. Putting a way a chunk of my paychecks every month mean that I didn’t have to have a heart attack about what is now becoming the legendary $500 sinus infection. These moments are exactly what I save for.
- I didn’t starve. It’s a lot easier not to starve when your diet isn’t limited to bread. Bread gets stale. But you know what doesn’t get stale? Soup. Yogurt. Pizza. Frozen soy lasagna. Anytime I was well enough to get the grocery store this month I stocked up—that was very useful on days that I…slept till 4:30 in the afternoon and still needed to eat.
- I had support. From R.J taking few sick days, to my mom who is pretty much on call for me 24/7, to my friends who took me to the doctor, or picked up my car from the ER–I’m so grateful, enormously grateful for how much help I’ve gotten and how little shit has been given in the face of very inconvenient moments over the last month.
- 16 pieces of sod. Yep, that little installation of grass in the tiny space behind our apartment saved me so many stress wrinkles this month. Having days where I could barely get from the glass door to the screen door–being able to just let Happy outside to pee instead of taking him for a walk completely changed the spoon equation for me. What a huge relief.
I get the impression that people are like, “wow–you’re really keeping it together for someone whose life looks like the worst fucking party I’ve ever been to. Like a party where they just punch you in the face and have terrible salsa.”
But my sanity is pretty frayed. I think I’m pretty much exclusively rising in the morning for the fact that I can now eat chocolate and technically never have to do math again if I don’t want to.
THERE ARE SOME THINGS IN THIS LIFE THAT I CAN’T AVOID.
Trig is not one of them.