This Post is an Example of How Stupid I Feel Lately

There is a lot going on here, but I don’t think there’s enough brain to handle it.

I’ve been in a bad gastroparesis cycle for the last three weeks. We even decided to lower my Desipramene to see if it will make a difference. My doctor tried me on another drug for my stomach and it gave me the worst two nights of migraines I can remember. Like, on the bathroom floor, my head in R.J’s lap, crying because three rescue meds had left me so out-of-it that I now had both a migraine and what now felt like a bad trip.

Since then there has been no guidelines on what to eat. I’m fumbling around in the dark with coffee and white bread.

The moment you realize your disease has made you an impenetrable body that you are also stuck inside of forever.

The moment you realize your disease has given you a momentarily impenetrable body –that you are also stuck inside of forever.

Between the medication changes and feeling generally worn out by my stomach, work has been a little more difficult for me. I’m trying to keep my focus–which I can usually do really well–but lately I’ve been blanking out a lot. I really am considering going back to my neurologist and requesting some kind of testing.

I feel like I’m getting stupider all the time. I’m not joking or exaggerating. In conversations I don’t respond as quickly as I used to and it seems to take me longer to string the words together. I used to think it was the migraines or the migraine medication–but now that I’m on a preventative pill and not having migraine symptoms–I’m confused as to why I still feel so out of it.

It’s been pretty embarrassing. I know you might think “what kind of person would call themselves out on being stupid?” ┬áHere. Hi. Me. This one. I talk about my guts on here. I’d say we’re at that level of friendship now where I can be honest about the San Franciso Bridge-esque standard of brain fog I have going on.

 

 

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Oh, and example–this post took me three days to nail down. I have two other drafts that are trashed from yesterday and the day before. I hadn’t even started on the pictures yet.

Anyone have experience with this? Is there a way to measure a decline in intelligence?

 

Things I’ve Thought About Measuring It By:

  • The ability to follow the plot of “House of Cards” without asking R.J what’s happening every ten minutes.
  • The ability to come up with ideas on where to go for dinner.
  • The incidence of accidentally picking up calls I meant to screen.
  • The incidence of not checking the receipt before I put my card down for a check (uh, last time I checked I wasn’t walking around with a black AMEX)
  • Not realizing I’ve put three items in my online shopping cart that are a size small.
  • The amount of terror in my soul when the waiter asks about what sides I want and I can’t remember all the ones she just listed.
  • Whether or not I sent that email about that thing that I–wait, what are we talking about?

What do you measure it by?

She asked to one brain fogged patient to the other.

She asked, looking from one brain fogged patient to the other.

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One thought on “This Post is an Example of How Stupid I Feel Lately

  1. I measure it with hobbies and games. Dan and I play a lot of board games and video games together, so I’ll see if suddenly I’m struggling with stuff that I used to fly through. I’ve been doing nightly meditations with a free app called “Calm,” and it seems to be helping improve things again… actually, it’s helping enough that I subscribed to it for the year.

    Most of what you’re experiencing doesn’t sound like IQ points are missing though, sounds more like ADD type things. Good news is, that can be trained over to some extent. Doing some sort of puzzle that requires focus, but in a sort of passive way (if that makes sense) seems to help me.

    Good luck!

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