Urgh, if these rich handsome doctors would stop breaking up with me, that would be so great right now.
I’m about to pull an all out Taylor Swift on these mothers.
This morning I had cardiac rehab. I sleepwalked (slept-walked?) through it and made my way home. Then I put in a call to my cardiologist to see if ….well, I don’t know. I’m wearing this heart monitor. I’m panting after walking down the staircase. I’m kind of a hot mess right now. And I wasn’t sure how long I was supposed to stay on my monitor. So I called.
I got a call back not long after–and, first of all, I have to give him props because most cardiologists won’t even have their nurses call you back, let alone call you back. And it was him on the phone, but it wasn’t any good news.
He said that he’d gotten some results back from the monitor. They were really low quality (duh, these monitors are horrible) but from what he could see I just had…tachycardia..no rhythm or rhyme to it. Just a racing heart–not even dangerously fast racing, just racing in general.
That’s when he struck.
“I still think this is an immune thing. I think you need to take this up with an immunologist. I just don’t think there’s anything more I can do for you.”
Ladies and gentleman, did you see that pass? That’s one for the play books.
He went on about finding the connection between my PIDD and POTS and gave me a recommendation for a local immunologist…but I was already struck down.
I spent years going down the immunology road. I saw plenty of them and took every allergy medication and shot on the market. Then I did IVIG AND six months of Sub-Q–to no difference in the rate of infection. In fact, when I finally got off Sub-Q my year long sinus infection finally cleared up. The fuck is that even about? I don’t know. I don’t know! But I do know that it’s my heart pounding away 24/hours a day that’s got me falling asleep on the treadmill.
I think it was about 53% depression and 47% low blood pressure but I stayed in bed all day.
Don’t get me wrong I still did all my Global Genes work and editing and then had phone meetings for two hours. But I did it all from my bed sans eyeliner and with Happy fighting for dominance over my comforter.
It’s just this whole process is so daunting. Girls my age think they’ve got it so rough out there in the dating pool. They’re on PlentyofFish, or Jdate and they’re going through this whole “does he like me?” “why didn’t he call?” thing.
And I’m just like…“does he take my insurance?” “does he have time in his schedule for a serious commitment?” “is he the kind of man who will be there when I’m going into anaphylactic shock?”
And then when they break up with you they give you this half-assed referral to someone they kind of know who might work with patients like you…but who has the time to check? And then you’re off on yet another blind date, sweating underneath your knees and wondering if you’re going to be judged because you’ve seen so many other doctors…
The worst part is that he was actually a great doctor who I have a lot of respect for and would recommend to others in a heartbeat. He just couldn’t do anything for me.
You know for a girl in a 7-year-long committed relationship I sure do get a lot of rejection.
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