“Well, you’ll probably never be diagnosed so you may as well just stop trying.”

I can’t even talk about what a shitstorm this week was just yet.

I’m like not even there yet. I can’t even absorb it. I’m like an angry, delusional sponge.

I’m trying to get a grip here but we’re coming down to some very frayed seams holding together my brain.

giphy (4)

Sure, Frank. But only in the sense that I’m not absorbing any of this.


Suffice to say (and I’m really hoping it does suffice to say because I can’t rehash the whole thing) but after recovering from my recovery of being in the hospital I saw a handful of doctors–not all of which were brimming with great or even slightly optimistic solutions.

It’s so interesting when people tell me I should not focus on my symptoms and just live my life.

Because my symptoms never interfere with my life. Never. Symptoms are totally parallel to my life. I don’t have to interact with them at all, right?



There’s been a lot of pats on the back with the tender, sympathetic thought, “Well, you’ll probably never be diagnosed so you may as well just stop trying.”

Can I explain something?


As in a disease that PROGRESSIVELY gets worse and scarier and more unknown with age.

At least not people who have any plans on actually living normally or having children or being independent or not living in horrendous pain or being struck down by impossible to remedy staph infections or having blood pressure that’s just a floating, flying, free-falling fuck of a spirit that feels like rising and plummeting are it’s main two functions.

Okay. I’ve done a lot of venting this week. I really just need to take a deep breath, climb back up on my horse and run some people over.

Yeah. I know this is just an exceptionally unfortunate week. I’m not going to crawl into a dark hole and start reading Twilight. Don’t worry.

I’ve got this.



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  • Maria

    Im so tired all the time..Im tired of being sick and tired. I love to teach but I get so exhausted and my mind gets foggy…my hubby says we need the money that I have to work and I want to but OMG I have not enough energy to be all mom , wife and ft worker. I have had every general sickness in my life..bronchitis, shingles, pneumonia, flu, mono, you name it! I feel useless at times. It takes my longer than my hubby and others my age to heal from colds and cuts. Last Summer I started having blurry vision in my right eye. I was exhausted beyond explanation and went to the pool to relax swam laid in sun for a few hours went home thinking that will have done me well. I took a shower and a nap. When I woke up I ached everywhere, I could barley walk!? Went to drs 2 days later she tested my feet for sensory and said she would touch my feet with a sharp and soft object 24 times she said WELL YOU GOT @ RIGHT?! I went to neuro MRI he said not MS, and he did EYES and EARS test said didint know what was wrong with me and sent me on my way:(. Im back to square one. HELP