Yeah, I Just Don’t Have the Energy For This


I’m still navigating my new dosage of desipramine. While I don’t need to sleep as much during the day–I am still tired and the energy I had in the morning usually feels zapped by 4:30.

I had soup in the house but I’d been craving some baked chicken and spinach. I still had to walk Happy, then drive to the store, shop, and drive back. Can you believe that just the thought of that made me want to go back to sleep?

But I got it together and got in my car and decided that instead of going to a crowded grocery store I’d go to a little grocery shop I like that’s closer to my house–but more expensive. By the way–this is a rule of thumb–money always wins out over energy. I’ll spend more on gas, groceries, anything really that I can’t buy online–so long as it’s closer, faster and costs me less energy.


I got some spinach from their hot case (which was actually $3 cheaper than the fresh I would have had to cook myself) then I got marinated chicken from the meat section. I checked out. Got in my car. Turned on the radio. And then got my car slammed from the back by an old lady.

And more than anything all I could think was nooo I’m too tired to deal with this.


But I got out of my car (as this lady continued to pull in and park) and inspected my bumper and side. There was a scratch but I was like 85% sure that was already there. This lady on the other hand, look like this was the 14th car she’d slammed into today because her front end was entirely dented, scratched and chipped.

“I’m so sorry,” she said in a really bored kind of way. “What do you want to do?”


I thought about exchanging insurance information and being on the phone calling it all in. I thought about bringing it in to be buffed. I thought about how many hours and energy of time this could possibly take out of work and my life.

And I was just like, “I want to go home and eat dinner.”

And got in my car and left.

I pretty much had the energy to put the chicken in the oven, pet Happy and collapse on the couch before I hit 0%.



Yeah, I just don’t have the spoons for that.