You Don’t Know Me: Leaving a Note on Car Parked Handicap

I’m just going to straight up say it: If you leave a note you’re a little bitch.

You heard me.

You think I’m abusing the law? You think I’m lazy? Come say it to my face, bitch.

Screen Shot 2015-04-23 at 7.47.24 PM

Getting this on the windshield of our car after parking handicap and heading to dinner left me feeling a little cold. Guess I didn’t look disabled enough today. Too much foundation? Not enough open wounds?

But I get it. This isn’t my first rodeo after all.

I mean having the port now is at least one good weapon in the fight against morons. I can just whip open my jacket and be like ‘BAM, BITCH! That “handicapped” enough for you?”

But generally I don’t do that. Because really, they’re right. I don’t look handicapped. You would never guess that one hot walk across a parking lot in the middle of a Florida summer would inevitably render me useless for the rest of the day, dehydrated and drained.

And they wouldn’t understand that every last ounce of energy I have has to be put towards things like standing up to wash my hair or getting all the way to the dairy aisle after a draining infusion.

Handicap privileges aren’t just for the wheelchair bound and the over 80 crowd. Here’s a good example of things you can’t visibly see that might render a person handicapped: Cancer, lupus, chemo, POTS, EDS, rheumatoid arthritis, chronic pain, chronic fatigue, chronic bronchitis, immune deficiencies…

And hey, even if they don’t need it for the impairment of mobility, patients use it all the time for irritable bowel diseases like Crohn’s so they can get to a bathroom immediately. Or do you feel it’s politically more correct to let people just shit in their pants? Does the all-knowing, all-seeing, note-leaving authority on handicap spaces even take that kind of situation into account?

This note had one thing right: there are certainly people who are, in a sense, “more disabled” then me. I do understand that, and on days when I’m feeling pretty good and I’m not faint or about to black out I don’t park handicap. But unless you live with me, and know me intimately, you would never know I was in excruciating pain.

Here are some examples of me looking incredibly healthy while actually crying internally for the day to be over so I can go home and pass out:

(Working on a shoot for Today’s Teen while struggling with a GP flare)


Hadn’t eaten solid food in a week during a book signing ceremony.


At a friend’s baby shower that I was really excited for, with a pulsing migraine


Out of the hospital after a week to go to dinner for my mom’s birthday




So the next time you feel entitled to try to tear someone down for something which you know absolutely nothing about? Restrain yourself.

I may be handicapped but I can still make you piss your pants like the little bitch you are.



19 thoughts on “You Don’t Know Me: Leaving a Note on Car Parked Handicap

  1. Great post, but “wheelchair bound” is a bit outdated and a bit ableist in itself, hon – nobody spends 24 hours a day stuck in their wheelchair, especially when something like 85% of chair users aren’t paralysed. I’m a chair user with EDS & POTS, & most chair users I know are pushing like hell to try to get rid of that particular term, as it tends to mislead the able-bodied into treating some of us like shit if they see we can move out of our chairs unaided. 🙁

    • CharonPDX

      Trialia, I think that was exactly her point. That OTHER people expect that “handicapped” means “must use a wheelchair because legs don’t work at all,” so they see someone walking away from their car, and scoff.

    • Michelle

      Well said! I am not bound to my wheelchair. I’m a wheelchair user. 🙂

  2. Brenda Balla

    You go girl! Love your post. I too have a handicap that is “invisible”. I suffer from very painful neuropathy in my right foot. I have a handicap placard that I use when I feel the need to use it. I’m sure that people also wonder what my handicap is and feel that I too am an “abuser”. I understand where you are coming from. You said it well!

  3. Elizabeth B

    None of my doctors will give me a placard even though I’ve told them I have to use the wheelchairs in stores often… :-/ I especially need one when doing holiday shopping. I live in CO so the holidays are COLD (like, freezing and below) which really screws with my fibro, and I always accidentally find myself drinking less fluid when it’s cold out which screws with my POTS.
    Even so, these notes piss me off! When I was a little kid, i remember asking my mom why the lady that just got out of her car in the handicapped spot had parked there (I was little, like 6 years or less), and she responded with “You can’t always see a handicap.” I wish more people could realize that…

  4. Sallie

    I too have an “invisible” handicap. I do not always use the spots, but ya know, sometimes I need them… I have Stiff Person Syndrome. It’s life threatening, rare, and dangerous. So I’m not sorry the jerks who think they know me enough to judge me are upset because I’m 26 and look “ok”. Wonder if they’d help out if I was on the ground dying in front of their eyes? That may not be handicapped enough either though haha! I’m good natured about it and definitely don’t judge others about it. Everyone has their struggles. Some in different ways than others.

    Thanks for sharing this!

  5. Dan Sullivan

    I don’t know what makes me more angry. The fact that people like you and my wife (migraines) have to live with such invisible pain or the fact that people who are able bodied can be so cruel.

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