But Have You Been Tested For….Have You Tried…

No. No it can't.

No. No it can’t.

I want to thank all of my readers who reach out with suggestions, because even if some of them make me tilt my head to the side like I just heard a squeaky toy–all of them come from a place of wanting to help others–and that’s what I want to do too!

That being said–to end the burning mysteries that plague my readers, here is a list of conditions I’ve been tested for and do not have:

  • Celiac Disease
  • Gluten Intolerance
  • Mast Cell
  • Lyme Disease
  • Crohns Disease
  • Fibromyalgia (Didn’t have the pressure points.)
  • Lupus (Guys, it’s never lupus.)
  • Diabetes
  • Epilepsy
  • HIV
  • Ulcerative Colitis
  • Addison’s Disease
  • Thyroid Dysfunction of Any Kind
  • Anemia
  • Cancer

As far as other potential influences:

I am not obese or overweight. I am not anorexic or underweight. I am not addicted to drugs. I am not an alcoholic. I do not dig for lost artifacts in Chernobyl.  I do not work at a dry cleaners. I have not been cursed by any tribe, witch or medicine man. I am not suffering for the sins of others. No one, to my knowledge, has been poisoning my Gatorade. I am not a victim of Munchausen by Proxy. I am not a good enough writer and have way too much brain fog to produce these posts from my imagination.

I hope that satisfies some curiosity about the origins of my story.

Besides disease suggestions I’ve also had a huge list of suggestions on what can cure my disease. According to these suggestions my disease can be cured by the following:

  • Hemp Seed Oil
  • Vegan Diets
  • Gluten-Free Diets
  • Multiple Multi-Level Marketing Health Products
  • Jesus
  • A Specialized Program Created to Cure ALL Diseases only $199.95
  • Standing up more slowly
  • Trying harder
  • Ignoring the “problem”
  • Going to a clinic in Dallas
  • Taking Tylenol
  • Admitting that my disease is a manifestation of depression or anxiety
  • Putting ice on it
  • Putting a band-aid on it
  • Vitamin C
  • Meditation
  • Colon cleansing
  • Baptism

You guys really crack me up. I love you. I do. For real. You kids keep me young.



7 thoughts on “But Have You Been Tested For….Have You Tried…

  1. My friend’s husband has silent migraines — something few people know about. Whenever she tells someone about his condition, they usually say, “Have you tried taking gluten away from his diet? What about a yoga class to reduce his stress? Have the dentist take out his fillings … She wants to scream!

  2. Harmony Sinha

    I love your blog!!! I suffer from syringomyelia an extremely rare disorder mine is a result of spinal cord damage! And my father is a doctor of natural health and there is no amount of Colon cleansing that will remove a syrinx from my spinal cord! I also suffer from DDD I’ve lost 3in since high school. And he’s a Scientologist and doesn’t believe in mental health disorders! Well I’m here to tell u me off meds is no picnic but me on them is manageable! So he doesn’t have the answers! But don’t tell him that lol! It’s refreshing to have someone else direct there health with humor, that’s what I’ve been doing since I’ve been 18, I’m 33 and a mother of 3 and I am looking at disorders without a cure. And MS as a diagnosis as well! I appreciate u and hope u get your answers, it took me til I was 26 to get a diagnosis, and I’m not finished!!!

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