What Was the Funniest Thing You Said or Did While On Painkillers? (I Need a Pick-Me-Up)

It’s good to have a dog that doesn’t mind curling up in bed with you for the entire day (or three days, whatever) when you’re feeling rotten. Today I feel rotten. Yesterday I felt rotten. What? Did you forget whose blog you’re reading?

This is a fibromyalgia-like pain. It comes from nowhere, can be felt everywhere and there’s pretty much nothing you can do to make it stop or ease once it starts. It’s just there and you’re pretty sure that if anyone touches you or if you move a quarter inch–I’m talking even your eyeballs–your whole body is going to crack apart like a ceramic pot.

Don’t touch me. Don’t touch me. Don’t touch me. I love you. But please dear god. Do. Not. Touch. Me.

No Touching

I landed mysel in the ER last week for spending a few hours house hunting in the blinding Florida sun. Got a migraine, overheated, blah blah blah, $250 co-pay, dillauded, sunglasses for days. Switched to Trockendi (delayed release topomax) titrating off depacote. Felt fine for the first few days. Now this. Related? Unrelated? Who knows.

Could be the fact that it hasn’t stopped raining in 48 hours.



I could not tell you.

I just want to catch a break for a few hours, but I’m trying to stay positive. It’ll pass. It always does. And in the meantime, I have lots of good things to distract me.

My sister and Joey are in town for the week, so I’ve been able to have breakfast with them the last few days. My agent just gave me some big news: we got an offer on my book for an audio book deal! And some reviewer copies have been sent out to readers so we’re waiting to hear back some initial thoughts on the manuscript.

But the rest of my days? I was taking percocet again around the clock until finally last night, after canceling for our big family dinner, I had R.J take me to the ER. We waited forever and argued with the treating physician over my migraine cocktail because she didn’t think phenergan and dillauded was a good combination.


And I was like…well, I don’t think migraines are compatible with life, but we’ve all got to make choices at some point.

She finally gave me the cocktail and after five minutes of blissful sleep I woke up to pee and realized to my great horror–the pain was still there.

We called my concierge doctor who spoke with the ER doctor and told her to give me my fifth shot of Torridol that week before sending me home. He then told me to take oral Dillauded every four hours.

And I’m just sitting here floating in hell.

Screen Shot 2014-04-23 at 11.12.47 AM

My heart is going crazy. Well, not crazy, crazy. It was tachycardic for a little while, but my pulse is mostly hanging out at around 107-110. (Which for me is’t that bad considering my average pain level is about a seven when I am awake and not on narcotic pain killers.)

Had a phone call between my doctor and my mom this morning where we talked about what the next steps would be. If things get worse today then I’ll check myself into the hospital and stay there on IV pain meds until I get back on track (whatever that looks like.) Otherwise, if my heart isn’t tacky, and I’m feeling safe and capable of dealing with this at home–then I can just keep taking dillauded every four hours over the weekend and try to speak with my neuro on Monday.

I reached out to a doctor in West Palm about entering his clinical trial for that new migraine medication everyone is talking about on Facebook. I won’t hear back about it until Monday. And even then I don’t know what the process is or how long it would take for me to start the medication.

I up my dosage of Trockendi tonight to 50mg.

I have spent the last week sitting in the dark, in my bed, on mind-bending drugs, trying to stay hopeful and positive that this flare comes to an abrupt and lasting end.


In the meantime, just for the sake of my mental health: what was the funniest thing you said or did while on painkillers?





  • Katie

    This is horrific. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. 🙁

    The funniest thing I’ve ever said on painkillers: I went off on this whole thing to my parents and my husband about how I was a goldfish, because goldfish have such short memories, and every time I started a sentence by the time I got to the end of the sentence I couldn’t remember the beginning of the sentence. This was all said as I was literally crying from laughing so hard because my painkiller-addled brain thought this was so hysterical.

    My brother might have me beat, though. When he was in high school, he got his wisdom teeth taken out. When he woke up from the anesthesia (I think they had given him some kind of painkiller before he woke up, as well, so that he didn’t wake up in terrible pain), he woke up singing Broadway showtunes at the top of his lungs. His mouth was stuffed with cotton where his wisdom teeth had been, so you couldn’t understand any of the words to the songs he was singing because he was singing around a mouthful of cotton balls. But the tunes were recognizable. The nurses at the dental surgeon’s office were cracking up.

  • I had my ear swell shut from an outer ear infection and landed in the ER (even with all the pain I suffer from now that is still one of the absolute worst and is one of the only things that will make me writhe and scream uncontrollably until I am given STRONG meds). The doc put me on Dilaudid and something else (I think). This had happened in the middle of my work shift though, so I was on the phone with my boss (and thankfully good friend) while my husband (then just boyfriend) was trying to take me home, and TRYING to tell her I could come back to work. In my head, my sentences were perfectly coherent. Apparently, not so much in real life. Both Dan and my boss were laughing hysterically because I was adamant about finishing my shift but I couldn’t even complete a sentence. I guess I wasn’t even using real words at times… my boss was nice though and clocked me back in to give me hours because I needed the money badly, so it worked out.

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