When Car Dealerships Successfully Scare the Ever-Loving Shit Out of You

So I’m in marketing, right? I read Peter Shankman’s fabulous book, “Can We Do That?” I’ve come up with some pretty racy campaigns myself. So it shouldn’t surprise me when a car dealership sends me a flyer about something that looks like a legitimately personal letter, but it isn’t.

But back up. Let’s just say here, just for a minute, that you’re some kind of Edward Snowden type or an abused, escaped housewives and you get a letter in the mail in a plain white envelope with your name and address on it. No return address, no identifying features.

I blurred out the address because I don't want creepy stalker letters from you either.

I blurred out the address because I don’t want creepy stalker letters from you either.

Get’s your heart pumping a little bit, right? You start thinking: shit, who is this from? Is this a handwritten letter? Must be important because it’s in snail mail and no one uses snail mail for personal hand written letters–it must be something official. Like a legal notice. Or maybe from someone I’ve blocked from all electronic channels for a good reason….

You open it up and you see this….

It's "Ilana" not "Aria"

It’s “Ilana” not “Aria”

 

A sticky note? Telling you to check out a newspaper clipping by someone named “A”–very a’la Pretty Little Liars. You begin to sweat. Maybe it’s an obituary clipping of a loved one, or murder coverage. You begin to shake the envelope–is there anthrax in here?

You unfold the newspaper clipping and…

3

A fucking car dealership?

I’m being stalked and sent creepy letters from a car dealership?

Aw fuck you, now I feel stupid and not even a little bit special. This is like when someone pulls into your driveway only  to turn around.

Jerks.

Comments

comments

27 thoughts on “When Car Dealerships Successfully Scare the Ever-Loving Shit Out of You

  1. Tracy

    I received one of these in the mail this morning, man did it start a huge fight, the man thought I had some secret admirer and I was completely dumbfounded, I told him research it, I don’t know where it came from, a personal handwritten note attached, acting like they knew me personally….hey idiots, send it to someone who drives, my license was yanked years ago….(thanks for this blog, now he knows he is an idiot also for acting like a tool, over some dumbass marketing creepy bullshit!!

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